| WORDS COUNT! In any family, marriage, relationship, or organization, words count. They matter. What one says has the same effect as throwing a rock into a pond. The ripples continue. If the family, marital, or organizational system is full of emotional energy, then reactions will be strong and automatic. Many times, those instinctive responses are powerful as they should be because they are biologically linked to ensure safety and survival. If a person encounters a tiger in the jungle, there will be an automatic response of defensiveness (flight) so that one is safe. However, in relationships with conflict, automatic responses are not what is needed because one automatic response can lead to another and then another and before long, a couple is in the middle of a row. Many marital research gurus have documented why some marriages succeed and some falter. Both the successful and the unsuccessful will have cycles of reactivity—those automatic instinctive responses that stem from emotional conflict. It doesn’t take long for words to become arrows volleyed between accusations. After a few verbal shots, a violent argument erupts. The difference between the successful and unsuccessful is the successful stop the cycled argumentation sooner before it develops into a loss of self-control. The unsuccessful family, couple, or organization becomes wrapped up in their own automatic reactions which only keeps the cycle alive. Before long, the house is ablaze. To stop the cycle, a person needs to focus on him/herself. Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians are useful, love “doesn’t insist on its own way…keeps no record of wrongs.” One, if not all parties, need to focus on what he/she can control—only themselves and not the other person. It takes discipline to manage self—to step back, slow down, and observe not only what the other person is doing but what “he or she” is doing. If one can manage or control themselves, one can control their responses. The human instinct is to fire back—get the jabs in. When a person is in the middle of a reactive situation where one is verbally attacking another or both attacking each other, explaining one’s actions, justifying, or even verbally defending will only add fuel to the fire. Many times, withdrawing and blaming have the same effect. What is needed is to stay engaged, but engage non-anxiously. Here, one needs to introduce thought before acting. Focus on what “I” can do and realize it isn’t about winning or losing. It is about staying connected and the maturity of the relationship. Jesus was a master at this. He often asked questions, and stayed connected, but did so all while he was aware of his own actions. He knew he couldn’t control another person, but by controlling himself, he could influence others.  This Week’s Readings: *Monday – 1Corinthians 12 *Tuesday – 1 Corinthians 13, 1 Corinthians 14 *Wednesday – 1 Corinthians 15, 1 Corinthians 16 *Thursday – 2 Corinthians 1, 2 Corinthians 2 *Friday – 2 Corinthians 3, 2 Corinthians 4, 2 Corinthians 5, 2 Corinthians 6 Prayer Requests: *Heal those who are sick and protect those who are not. *Comfort those who are grieving and in distress. *Wisdom for our leaders as they navigate through uncertain times. *Guidance for those seeking to find their way. *Continued Growth Inside and Outside the Walls of St. Paul UMC. |
| “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” – Philippians 4:6 |